Russia's Blog
by WeirdCornChip
Summary: Privet, comrades. I have noticed other countries on here have blogs. So decided to start one too! Ask me questions, and I will answer. We will have fun, da? Rated T for Russia. J
1. Chapter 1

**Hello comrades! I have seen that other countries have started blogs.**

**So I have decided to start my own.**

**So ask me questions, and I will answer them. **

**It will be fun~**

**Ifyou ask me questions I don't like, I will get to see your screaming faces as I smash your skulls with my pipe. **

**Become one, da?**

**до свидания, **

**Russia**


	2. Chapter 2

**Time: 8/19/2012**

**Mood: Happy~**

**What I am doing: Poking Latvia with sharp fork**

**Hello again everyone!**

**All the reviews! I didn't know I had so many friends~**

**You all can come to my house anytime you want, da?**

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

_WingsofNyx:_

_Privet, Russia_

_Congrats on the blog. One of my questions is How do you feel about Americans in general? Not Alfred, just the inhabitants of the States in general. (Seeing as I am one, this should be interesting)_

_Do Svidanya,_

_Nyx_

Americans in general...

I have visited Americans Many times over the years; they are... ok.

I almost got arrested a few times for apparently 'importing illegal alchohal'. I solved the problem with Mr. Pipe~

But I don't know what they were talking about! I was just bringing myself some Russian water.

Americans also seem to be unnaturally rude. Every time I try to talk to someone, they walk away. :(

_Otaku Overlord: _

_Ivan! XDDD *glomps* what do you think of the Nordics? You seem like you need a friend. I'll be happy to be your friend! XD_

I don't know much about them... But they can become one with me if they want, da?

You can be my friend, and help out the Baltics, da? ^J^

_The Hero yo:_

_H-Hey, Russia dude!_

_I just wanted to tell you..._

_Canada's cleansing himself from whatever you did. Okey?_

_I seriously want to know what you did..._

_See you later, Russia dude._

_Alfred F. Jones_

... We had a lot of fun together, da? I expect him to come back soon~

_BTTfangirl14:_

_RUSSIA HELP ME! BELARUS IS TRYING TO KILL ME! she has a blog and I reviewed and now she thinks I want you! I tried telling her I don't like you that way and she won't listen! please help me. _

_And becoming one? NO way._

I don't mind marrying you if it gets rid of сестра. You become one, I will help. ^J^

_RoseQuartz318:_

_Brother! It's me, Belarus! (I'm incognito!) Become one? Definitely! I knew you'd give in eventually! :)_

B-Belerus! Go away! You cannot become one with me. I have already promised BTTFangirl! Ahhhhh! Don't find me.

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

***peeks out of closet***

**That is all for now! **

**Ask me questions, and I will answer them, da?**

**And don't tell Belerus where I am or I will visit you with Mr. Pipe!**

**стал одним, **

** Russia**


	3. Chapter 3

**Time: 8/19/12**

**Mood: slightly shaken**

**What I am doing: drinking vodka **

***Walks out of closet***

**Belerus has finally left~**

**So now I can answer your questions. **

**Спасибо to you all for not telling her. Even though I would get to smash you to a pulp, I would still have to deal with Belarus. *shudders* **

**I was reading the Capitalist pig's blog, and someone said there was Birthday Cake flavored vodka. That sounds tasty, so mabye if you have some, you could send me a bottle, da?**

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

_maplepancakes99:_

_RUSSIA! *glomps* I want to become one with mother Russia!_

_Also why you gotta hurt Canada? T.T I still wanna become one though. I luv you so much*gives sunflower*_

_Ok actual question now. Which of the baltics is your favorite?_

You are now one with me. :)

I didn't hurt Canada. I just played with him. Next time he is at my house, you can play too, da?

Thank you! *Hugs sunflower*

Which Baltic?

Lithuwania of course! He is such a fun little friend~ And he always takes punishment for his brothers, so I get to have fun with him a lot! He is also a very good cook~

When you visit, I will make sure he makes you special meal, da?

_InsanityAintOptional:_

_Hi Mr Russia!_

_I have a question- what does becoming one mean, exactly?_

_-Insanity_

Becoming one with me means we become friends, you can live with me or visit whenever you want, and I will protect you from anyone who try's to hurt you. All who become one with Russia are like a big family. You want to become one now, da? ^J^

_Heaven'sKnight15:_

_Hello Russia *glomps* _

_I was wondering... what are your thoughts on you being shipped with America?_

Hello~

I hate that Capitalist Idiot.

Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolk olkol...Please do not ask questions like this. It makes me angry. *walks away*

*screaming noises are heard in the basement*

*Returns* Sorry comrades, I was just playing with Little Lithawania. ^J^

Next Question~

_Red-Tulips-Are-Awesome: _

_Well, hello Russia. How are you doing? Is your sunflower garden going well? I could only hope so._

_...Well, it looks like Belarus has found you. Uh...just somehow, make her go away. I'm sorry that I don't have a solution for you..._

_((Oh, and I have this community for the blogs...Are you okay if I added this story to here, and put Russia on the community? If not, just tell me. Thanks.))_

_Oh, and if I'm allowed to ask...Do you have a specific favorite type of food? You know, not vodka, but any other type of food._

_Well, it's nice talking to you. Good bye, for now._

Privet~

Da, my sunflower garden is so pretty; all of the sunflowers are big and happy. :)

Kolkolkol... She has. I hid in closet until she went away, hopefully she will not return, da?

Putting this on your community is fine; mabye it will cause more people to become one~

Hmmmm...Piroshki are very tasty!

But I also really like the Borshch that Lithauania makes... It is so hard to choose!

_Don't worry: _

_Hi I have a couple questions 1why is it so funny when you get_

_chased by Belarus? _

It is not funny. You say that again, you die. :)

_2 did your history mess you up?_

Нет, I am perfectly normal country.

_ 3 why do you want everyone_

_to become one (not Belarus) ? _

I want everyone to become one so we can be peaceful and happy forever. And have you seen how my sister acts?

_4 do you need a hug?_

Da. I do not mind being hugged. ^J^

_Missouri:_

_Hi Russia_

_I'm Missouri, one of America's children, but you can call me Missy! I don't_

_want to become one, since I like Iceland, but I will be your friend!_

_I think Belarus is nice, she tought be how to hide knifes and throw them with_

_deadly accuracy! She is kinda've creepy though._

_I hope you have a wonderful day-night what ever it is when you read this!_

_Missouri or Missy_

You are that Capitalist Pig's daughter... Tell him I hate him and want to smash his face in untill all of his teeth fall out~

You won't become one? :(

Yay! A friend! *Gives Missouri a bottle of vodka. *

Belerus... Nice? Нет. But she is creepy... And strange... So strange... *puts head in hands*

Mabye you could bring some knives and play with Lithuania sometime, da?

Yes I am having fun~

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

**Thank you for all the reviews~**

**I am off to have some fun with Lithuania.**

**до свидания, **

** Russia**


	4. Chapter 4

**Time: 8/20/2012**

**Mood: Cheerful~**

**What I am doing: thinking about ways to painfully kill Poland.**

**Hello~**

**I've been really angry at Poland recently~ He is always trying to steal my Lithuania...**

**There is just something about him that makes me want to grind his head into a pulp with my bare hands... Or rip all of his fingernails off and stab them into his eyes... Or slice off his face and force him to eat it...**

**But I'll save that for later, da? ^J^**

**Right now I** **answer your questions.**

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

_Red-Tulips-Are-Awesome:_

_That's good that it's flourishing wonderfully. __

_(Iceland: *Hiding from Missouri.*)_

_Okay, I put it on the community. I bet that people will read it, then._

_You can only hope that she stays away. Only hope. Maybe you should try to make her obsessed with someone else. *Is an AmeBela shipper.* Maybe America. Make her obsessed with him, somehow...and your life will be just fine!_

_...Well, America suffers. But...it's fine with me._

_Hm...I'll probably visit one day...I hope that Lithuania is okay. Say "hi" to Lithuania for me, would you? And I sent you some vodka! *Hands Russia the vodka.*_

_Well, have a nice day!_

Da. I will give you a few. *Hands Missouri 3 huge sunflowers*

Enjoy~

America suffering is good~

I want to hear his miserable cries as I go to sleep~

I don't think Belarus would do that though. She trys to brutally murder everyone who gets in between her and me. So mabye America could die, and I could be free of her for...about...15 minutes. Oh well.. I will try to think of something. You will help, da?

Yay~ Visit!

Lithuania is fine. Just a little worn out. He will be fine tommorrow, da?

Vodka! Thanks~^J^

I will drink it as I answer~

_BTTfangirl14:_

_hmmm now that you've explained becoming one yes i will. But I'll visit. Yay~ And please protect me from Belarus!_ Нет. Sorry. _and have you ever noticed that Lithuania stalks Belarus like she does with you except without the whole marriage thing_. Da. It is a little strange, but fun to watch when Belarus broke Lithuania's hand~

_2. have you met 2p!russia, Fem!russia, or both?_

2p Russia? I am the only Russia there is, Da?

Нет. I have never met Fem!Russia... Is she like Ukraine?

_3. here is russian vodka and sunflower! j_

Thank you~

I am always happy to get more Vodka.

I will put the sunflower with its friends, da? *places sunflower in big vase full of sunflowers on table*

_4. does your water pipe ever rust and does it have a name?_

No my pipe never rusts, I use it too often~ But I have to clean it a lot because annoying red stains appear on it. I sometimes call it Mr. Pipe. It's a good name, da? It likes playing with people as much as I do~

_nightshadow23:_

_Russia-sama! First of all you are so cool! You are more awesome than Prussia. *shot by prussia*_

_Alright now, question number one, have you read any of the Russia x China fanfictions? What do you think of them?_

They are cute~ like China~

_I'LL BECOME ONE WITH YOU RUSSIA! *Back off Belarus! Russia is mine.* *is holding a big knife* *innocent sweety voice* Is Russia-sama proud of me? ;)_

Y-yes please keep Belarus away... Don't stalk me, da? You can become one with me. O_o

_nightshadow23:_

_AHAHAHAHAHA! RUSSIA JUST CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET! HAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* sorry about that... here is some birthday cake flavored vodka._

Thank you. *takes a sip* Hmmm.. Interesting? I will drink more later, da?

_I will play with you russia! *mischeivous smile*_

D-da.

_I was wondering, what do you thinkabout pairings like Russia x Poland, Russia x Lithania, and Russia x Latvia?_

I hate Poland and want to smash his skull in so... Нет. If anyone wants me to do.. THAT with him... They will be force-fed their own organs~ :)

Lithawanua and Latvia... They are my comrades... I just like to play with them... But out of the two, Lithuania is my favourite~

_Belarus taugt me some stuff too, shes a little wierxd though, was she dropped on her head when she was a baby?_

Da. When she was only 3 years old, Ukraine was carrying her and tripped over a rock. She started crying, and dropped my little sister. Wait... Belerus.. Taught you things. They are not bad things,da?

_Waveripple of Team Sunrise:_

_Nice blog, Ivan. :) Oh, that gives me an idea for a question!_

_Do you like the 'human names'? If so, besides your own, which if your favorite?_

_Waveripple_

The human names are ok... Sometimes I forget to use them though... It is confusing to have two names, da?

My favorites are: Eduard Von Bock and Toris Lorinaitis. They are so fun to say~

_Kittyluvr4567:_

_Hi Russia *Waves* :D_

_You and France are my favorites._

_Couple Questions:_

_1. What did you do to Canada?_

I played games with him... We had fun~ This site is T rated, da?

_2. What does 'до свидания' mean?_

It means: Goodbye.

_3. What does 'Спасибо' mean?_

It means thank you. ^J^

_4. What does 'Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка' mean?_

vodkavodkavodkavodkavodka. :)

_My mom got sunflowers earlier this year, and I thought of you :)_

_And when you get the pollen wet... It is extremely yellow._

_Oh, and I would like to become one with you_

_-kitty_

Yay~

Come visit soon, you might see Canada. Then we can be happy together~

_Wierdo0101:_

_Ill become one wit u! How do u feel bout being paired wit Lithuania? u guys look like such a cute couple!_

You are one! *Hugs hers*

Lithuania is a nice little friend.

I am not gay though, so we can't be considered couple, da?

_Greece's kitty:_

_me:IVAN-CHAN!*mega glomp*_

_brazil: dont kill they guy with your hugs of death!_

Don't worry I have hugs of death too~ ^J^

_me: ...OKAY!NOW FOR MY QUESTIONS! russia, how come in the anime you arnt friends with greece. in greek history, russians were our allies and frickin owned the germans!_

I would not take extreme joy in killing Greece, that counts as friendship, da?

_greece:...we did stuff too ya know..._

_me: ...not much though...RUSSIANS ARE AWSOME! russia, what do you think of fem russia...and her brothers. i think male! ukraine looks like you!_

Da. I've never met female Russia, but she might be like...Ukraine? Someone else asked that. :)

Male!Ukraine... He does look like me. But he crys a lot I bet~

If there is a Male!Ukraine, does that mean there is a male!B-Belerus?

_oh and give your opinion on the song 'carrot und a stick' sung by your sisters._

It was nice until Belerus showed up, and then it got all creepy... *shivers*

_also i would love to become one with you, but i cant because i already am one, da!_

_giea_

Ok. Come visit~

_maplepancakes99:_

_Yay I would love to play with Canada :) especially if I get to come to your house!_

Anytime you want, comrade~

_Lithuania seems like a really nice guy._

_Ok two questions. Question one. Do you drink any alcohol besides vodka?_

Нет. Only vodka. Those who try to get me to drink beer become armless. ^J^

*Starts drinking vodka recieved from BTTfangirl14*

_question two. How do you feel about your big sister Ukraine?_

She is fun to play with but a very big crybaby... I wish she hadn't left me for the UN. Now there is no one to help keep away Belarus.

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

**Thank you for all the questions~**

**So many people have become one today~**

**Yay~**

**Thank you all!**

**Ill just read my sister's blog to make sure she is not up to something~**

***reads Belarus' Blog***

**W-why is Belerus hiding in my closet? How does s-she know?**

**Someone help!**

***runs away, still drinking vodka***


	5. Chapter 5

**Time: 8/21/12**

**Mood: artistic**

**What I am doing: Carving pretty designs onto Lithuania.**

**Right now I am in my basement making pretty designs on Lithuania~ *sobbing noises are heard in background***

**I was bored, and Lithuania had finished cooking do I decided to play with him~ When you visit, you can help,da?**

**But bring your own knife~**

**He was conspiring with Poland to escape. That is not good, da? Why would anyone ever want to leave my house? So I put an electric collar on him to teach him not to try that again. He will stay with me and we can have fun forever, da?**

***From upstairs*: ****M-mr. Russia?**

**What is it comrade Estonia?**

**The readers have sent you more questions, sir. **

**Yay~ I will be there in a minute. *Washes blood off hands*. Don't worry Lithuania, I am leaving now, but I'll be back ~**

***whimpering noises are heard in background***

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

_Greece's kitty:_

_greece:thank you...i think..._

You're welcome, comrade.

_me:fem russia is like belarus and ukraine combined_

O_o I can't really imagine that...

_male belarus:*growls at russia*STAY AWAY FROM SYSTRA!_

D-da. Don't worry, it would be weird marrying myself,da?

_me: i think you will be good friends, da._

_brazil: thats wonderful russia_

_me:I would love to vist! we could play with the baltics together, da!_

*Latvia starts crying in the background *

_fem russia: i would like to come as well, as long as brother doesnt come,da. i bring my shovel!_

Good. There are some...Things...in the basement that need burying. You will help me, da?

_Meh (Guest) :_

_Privyet, Russia! So first I would love to become one with you! *hands_

_bouquet of sunflowers* Oh and a question. Physically, what is your age?_

Yay~ *puts sunflowers in vase*

My phisical age ...

That is a secret, comrade. ^J^

Извините~

My boss does not want people to know.

I will try to change his mind, da?

Guest:

_I believe I know what your problem is with Alfred. He has your "lost sunflower", and it's name is Kansas._

_All you really want from him is Kansas (and maybe Alaska), right?_

Da. I gave him Alaska a while back, and now I hear he is more like me then that Capitalist Pig...

When I see him, I will ask him and Kansas to become one, da?

Sunflowers...

_Red-Tulips-Are-Awesome_

_Sorry, but I'm not Missouri. That's one of the reviewers on Iceland's blog. But thanks for giving to them to her, anyways._

I know. ^J^ But everyone needs sunflowers, da?

_Okay. Seems fine. I guess he'll...probably not enjoy it...Well, anyways._

_Okay...well, I hope that I see Lithuania having a blog. That would be really nice to see that he has a blog, also_.

That would be nice~

As long as it doesn't take time off of his chores. Did you know little Latvia has a blog now. Without telling me~

Maybe I should carve some pretty designs into him too, da?

_I honestly think that Carrots and Sticks is a really awesome song. Oh, and I have a friend that has you as her favorite character. And, well...I think she wants to become one with you. Are you fine with that?_

Da. Tell her that anyone can become one with Mother Russia. Except for Belarus. ^J^

_...Belarus has a lot of creepy ways. I'll find out, eventually. Hopefully._

_Well, good luck!_

Спасибо~

_BTTfangirl14:_

_Ok marrying you would only make things worse and Belarus would want to kill me even more. I just got on her good side. and glad you like the vodka and sunflower i gave you!_

The vodka was very tasty~

_1. is a good name._

I glad you like it. ^J^ Because bad thing would happen if you didn't.

_2. No fem!Russia is you but female. she's apart of nyotalia which is the gender swap version of all the countries. 2p!Russia is the exact opposite of your country and violent_.

Mabye I should meet fem!Russia...

2p!Russia can stay away~

Or I will break his ribs until he chokes on his own blood. :)

_3. I wish i could help you russia! just tell her you know she was in there and she just gave away where she was hiding online._

_that is all!_

Da. I will tell her. Mabye she will leave me alone~

_nightshadow23:_

_If you arent gay then why are you so fond of china and lithuania?_

Lithuania is my little friend... He is so amusing to play with *crying is heard from basement*

And China, I am not sure China is male. It's hard to tell, da?

_Yeeees, Belarus taught me things... whether they are good or bad depends on whether you are on the giving or reciving side... ;)_

O_o

_Dou you have a favorite music genere, singer/band, or song?_

Well I like screams of pain, if that counts as music. ^J^ They help me sleep.

_You still have me to keep Belarus away. ;D_

_Ya tebya lyublyu! I love you Russia!_

Спасибо, товарищу

_Kittyluvr4567:_

_I like Canada... After you and France_.

Comrade Matvey is a fun person~

I'm sure he'd like to met you.

_And sorry about all the translations I had you do. I want to learn Russian._

That is ok, if I am easier to understand, then it is easier to become one, da?

_-Kitty_

_Alohapizzagoat:_

_Privet, Mr. Russia._

_I really like the Russian language. It just looks so kol- I mean, cool._

Da. It is~

_I also spoke with Belarus before this, but... I said something wrong... This happened._

_*Shows arm*_

_Yeah, so I don't have a lot of time talking to you, considering I'm bleeding to death right now._

Oh. Pretty~

I should try that on Lithuania.

_But before I leave, I must tell you that there are sunflowers in Korea._

Why did I not know this? Someone was withholding information, da? Kolkolkolkol...

_When did you come over here? There are so many sunflowers here that people are trying to get rid of them._

Give them to me~ All sunflowers want to become one with me.

_However, I don't really mind. They're nice._

_Well, I need to go now. Bye._

You should put sunflowers on your coffin~

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

***walks down basement stairs***

**Alright comrades, that is all for today~**

**Now Lithuania, where was I? *grabs blunt knife***

***Screeching and sounds of flesh tearing***

**That design Alohapizzagoat showed me looks good on you~**

***more screaming***

**I feel like I forgot something...**

**Oh! *wipes some blood off face***

**до свидания,**

**Russia**

**Become one~**


	6. Chapter 6

_**H-hello.**_

_**This is Lithuania...**_

_**M-mr. Russia is tired, so h-he asked me t-to do the beginning f-for thus chapter. He still w-will be answering the questions . I t-think?**_

_**I d-don't know what to do...He c-carved sunflowers all over m-me, and n-now I have to wear l-long sleeves everywhere I g-go. **_

_**L-Latvia still has p-puncture marks in his cheek f-from when Mr. R-Russia poked him with a fork. **_

_**P-please help me! I can't g-go outside the house because h-he put an electric c-collar on me. **_

**Hello again! This is Russia~**

**You were waiting for me to answer you questions, da?**

Колколколколколколколколкол

_Greece's kitty:_

_fem russia: da! you give me vodka first!_

*hands her bottle of vodka*

_belarus:BROTHER WHERE ARE YOU?_

_me: he went to...um...look for you?_

_belarus:*leaves*_

0_o... Спасибо for keeping her away comrade...

_me: thank god...its not that hard to imagine fem russia... look her up. youll see what i mean..._

_fem lativa: miss r-r-russia you have a phone call_

_fem russia: oh! do sydania( idk how to spell it... im a fail*emo corner)_

_me:...kolkolkolkol..._

_greece: what the-_

_me:*holding russias pipe*KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL_

_greece:O.O_

_2p greece:HOLY **!RUN!_

_me:*starts chasing them*_

Don't worry, that is not my pipe~ It is skilled replica. But it is just as good for crushing skulls, da?

* * *

_Nameless Naridam:_

Hi_ Russia_

_What is your favorite game to play with the Baltic's? If it involves any pretty red colors or broken bones, I'll become one with you and we can play it together :D Oh, and here is some Vodka. *Tosses Vodka* _

Thank you for the vodka. ^J^ I gave some away to Fem!Russia, so I needed more~

Hmmm... One of my favorite games is bloodbath, with requires three or more players. All you have to do is tear out all of one person's muscles and organs, drain off the blood and smash it up in big container. Then the other person you are playing with is strapped to a table and force fed the blood/organ/muscle mixture~ Sounds fun, da?

Another fun game is to chain a person to a chair, and just feed them as normal. But every time they start falling asleep, you poke them with big sharp needle. This one is especially fun to play with Latvia~

His screams are so shrill~

_P.S. I 've been thinking, if you've heard of 2P!Russia, why not get him and leave him for Belarus? She might actually buy it and leave you alone for a bit. I don't know...It could work. _

_Bye_

That is good idea... I will try, da?

* * *

_Red-Tulips-Are-Awesome:_

_Hm...The Russian Language sounds interesting. I remember when I was doing a project on World War 2 in school. I had to read a propaganda poster, but I could read it...since it was in Russian. " Do you mind teaching me some Russian?_

I am glad you want to learn my language~

It is much better language then English.

A few simple words are:

привет(privet): hello

до свидания(do svidaniya): goodbye

спасибо(spasibo): thank you

Россия(Rossiya): Russia

водка(vodka): vodka

If you want to know more, there are many websites to look at. You can test what you have learned out on me, da?

* * *

_maplepancakes99:_

_Russia *glomps* I would give you sunflowers as well but I'm a fail at growings things *emo corner*_

Is ok... I will give you one~ *hands her a sunflower*

_Anyways time for my questions._

_1. Can I play with Canada at your house?_

Da. I'm sure he would have fun playing with you~

_2. Do you miss the days when you were younger?_

Da. I miss the days when I could be happy with my sisters. When Belarus wasn't scary, and Ukraine lived at my house...*hugs scarf*

The others, I try to forget...

*gets depressed*

Lithuania, you will answer next question, da? *goes off to drink vodka*

**_O-ok Mr. Russia. P-please don't get him depressed... He t-tortures me more._**

* * *

_Alohapizzagoat:_

_Put sunflowers on my coffin? That's a good idea._

_Then, when you die, I'll put some on yours, yes?_

**_I'm sure he'd l-like that. But he's a n-nation, so I don't think he w-would_**

**_die._**

_Maybe you should ask Belarus for more ways to, 'play' with your friends. Except for Latvia._

**_N-no... p-please don't encourage him! My back is p-painful enough. *holds back tears*_**

_He's mine._

_Oh, and don't plan on coming to my funeral anytime soon. I survived._

**_That's good. L-living is nice..._**

_With love from the living_

_Aloha._

_**B-bye**._

*Russia comes back*

Hello Lithuania~

Why are you here? You are hacking into my computer, da? You need to be punished~

*drags Lithuania off and knocks him out with pipe*

I'm back~

Please don't get me depressed; I might kill you all~

And though that would be fun, then I would have no one to talk to, da? ^J^

* * *

_nightshadow23:_

_Yaay! Hi Russia! Its me again! Okaaayyy! First question: will you marry me? * pulls out sunflowers and vodka*_

Нет. But we can be friends, da?

*hugs sunflowers*

_Second question: do you speak any other languages other than english and russian?_

Not really. But those are good languages to know, Da?

_Third question: what is your favorite torture method?_

Bloodbath~

_fourth question: what do you think of the pairing china x japan?_

I do not like it. :)

_Fifth question: what do you think of the phrase "Canada is on top of America"?_

It is funny. Canada knows, da?

_last question: when is your birthday? I will make you a birthday cake!_

_Bye bye Russia-sama!_

My birthday is December 30. Vodka cake would be tasty~

* * *

_Idon't:_

_Ok! I'll tell him that, also will you do that with France? He's trying to tell me I'm his daughter, since he found me first. If not I can handle it! I'm sending a picture of my weapon, it's a bat with a knife in it, it's amazing._

Yay~ I don't like France either! *goes away, then comes back with some bloodstains on coat*

That looks fun~ Lend it to me sometime, da?

_Nope sorry! I'm trying to convince Iceland to be one with me as I write! He's still a little warry of me, since two of the three BTT raised me, but he's warming up!_

_*takes a sip of vodka* What flavor is it? I better hide this before Alaska or America finds it._

It has lots of cloves. ^J^

_Sure, I like Lithuania, he's very kind, like you!_

He is my little comrade after all~

_She's very nice to me, maybe it's because once at a world meeting, she was bothering Iceland, so I threw a knife at her throat. It missed, but now we've became good friends, along with Miss Ukraine_.

Tell Ukraine she owes me money~

Still.

_I'll write soon!_

_-Missouri or Missy_

Хорошо~

* * *

_DarkElfInDisguse:_

_Hello! My name is Ally. You might recognize me from the 'Ask a Bad Toucher' fic! I'm also secretly helping Hungary make her blog._

_I have some Vodka flavored lollipops if you want them._

It depends on if they are real vodka or not~

_Also, I heart how you manage to freak people out so easily._

Спасибо, comrade~

But I don't mean to... Smiling is not scary, Da?

_And: Mind if I drop my little brother over at your house for a couple days? Maybe you could carve some pretty designs on this blank canvas? (AKA my brother)_

I would enjoy that. He has low pain tolerance, da?

_Mind if I crush Poland for you? I don't like how he cross dresses and says 'totes' all the time._

_Ciao._

I want to smash him into a pulp myself, but you can help~

* * *

_RosieBud:_

_I love you Russia! Even if you're creepy and scary!_

... I am nice country~

_I would love to become one, but I've been told it's a bad idea. That's not true, is it?_

Нет. Whoeve told you that will wake up with iron nails through their fingers~

_Also, if you hate America so much, why waste your time... er... playing with Lithuania? Why not, ah, play with America?_

America is not fun to play with. :(

I tried...

You have heard of alaska, da?

_Love and Sunflowers,_

_Rose_

_P.S. I'd give you vodka, but I'm underaged, and therefore not allowed to touch it. :(_

Oh well~

* * *

_Froggiecool:_

_Gruß Gott,_

_I have sent some onto that idiot to forward to you, but, since I have disovered your own... 'Blog'... I am here to deliver some blood cupcakes._

_As a special order, the red ones are plain blood, orange ones have orange in them. The blue ones have vodka, the green cherry, and the chocolate have sedatives._

This sounds like fun~ Maybe I should give some chocolate ones to China.

_Oh, and the pink ones should deal wih Poland for you... ;)_

I will give them to him and watch what happens~

_Seeing as idiot is not updating his own blog, and hs brother seems to have disappeared (Again), I'm talking to you._

_Your chibi is the cutest of all characters_.

Спасибо~ ^J^

_Was Sweden a good brother?_

...

_In one thing I am working on, you and Poland fight over Lithuania. Both of you loose. :) He's been possessed by an evil spirit, so stabs Poland and runs away._

Awwww... I want to win. At least Poland got stabbed~

_China was made using a girl's base, with the genetils removed._

...

_Remember to share your cupcakes!_

_Froggie_.

Do not worry, comrade. I will share my cupcakes~ Except for the red and blue ones. Those are for me, da?

* * *

_OMG CATS:_

_From Latvia:_

_I'm sorry for not telling you about my blog! Please don't punish me, or Lithuania and Estonia! Please!_

Don't worry, I will only play with you~

_From Me:_

_Hi Mr. Russia! Latvia is scared of you, but I know you have a big heart and want a lot of friends :D_

Da. This is true~

_Or maybe you are secretly a twisted and demonic maniac... Just like me :D My friends fear for my mental health sometimes._

This is also true~

_I'd like to become one, but unfortunately, I have already sold my soul :P_

It's alright comrade, you don't need a soul to become one. ^J^

Oh, I have a question: If Belarus started chasing Latvia instead of you, how would you feel? You know, if you make Latvia wear high heels and dress him up like you, he'll look like... You. And maybe you can use him as a decoy for Belarus

I know what Latvia's punishment will be now~

_Well, have some vodka chocolates and be happy, da!_

*Eats a few* ^J^ ^J^ ^J^ Tasty~

Нямнямнямнямнямнямнямням

**That is all for now comrades~**

**I have to go dress up Latvia.**

**Mabye this will get rid of Belarus forever~**

**If not, that at least Little Latvia will be all pretty and dripping red when he returns. ^J^**

**до свидания,**

**Russia**

**Become one**!


	7. MarshmellowVodka?

**Time: 10/20/12**

**Mood: Cheerful**

**What I am doing: mentally crushing Prussia**

**Hello again~**

**Here is some information about me.**

**Human Name: Ivan Braginski. Become one, da?**

**Age: This is classified information. ^J^**

**Height: 6ft 6in**

**Bad Habits: I don't have any bad habits~**

** Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol...**

**Mate/spouse/lover: Not telling~**

**Kids: Alaska.**

**These used to be part of me:**

**Armenia**

**Azerbaijan**

**Finland**

**Georgia**

**Iran**

**Kazakhstan**

**Kyrgyzstan**

**Moldova**

**Poland**

**Tajikistan**

**Turkey**

**Turkmenistan**

**Uzbekistan**

**Mongolia**

**There is a reason I am called Mother Russia, da?**

**Favorite food: Vodka! (Da. Vodka is a food)**

**Eye color: Purple**

**Hair color: Light gray/brown**

**Question time~**

Водкаводкаводкаводкаводка

envyfan1000:

Hi Russia, how are you? You're my third favorite person in Hetalia. Anyway, I can't become one with you since I live in America and I might get a yelling lecture from America. ._.

**He doesn't have to know~**

Even when I do support the Russia x Belarus, I still feel bad for you Russia. Please forgive me.

Anyway, my question to you is..I know your feelings to America is bad but what are you other feelings to the rest of the allies?

**France and England are kind of annoying~**

**And China is my friend, da?**

On the become one with you note...I still can't become one but I'll be your friend. -gives you five vodkas and twelve sunflowers- I hope you like my gift, Russia. :)

**Yay~ Thank you comrade!**

**Prussia broke all of my vodka and sunflowers, so I needed more~**

**I will hurt him later...**

* * *

Kittyluvr4567:

I see your point

The only problem is that my school doesn't have a Russian class and I don't know anyone that would teach it.

**Awwwww... Try searching on internet for Russian classes. Good luck~ ^J^**

* * *

Greece's kitty:

Me:*hits russia with shovel*LEAVE LATIVA ALONE! You can have 2p lativa. He scares me.

2p lativa: hehehehe*covered in blood*

Me: what did you do?

2p lativa: stabbed a couple of people...hehehe

Me:yep. You can have him.*resumes beating up 2p turkey, with 2p greece as a weapon*

2p greece:PUT ME DOWN!I AM NOT A WEAPON!OWWWWWW!DAMN YOU!I DEMAND YOU RELEASE ME!MY HEAD IS STARTING TO HURT!YOU BROKE MY GLASSES!FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK KK!

2p turkey: *dead*

**... I don't like 2p Latvia... He remind me of Belarus...**

***Looks around to make sure Belarus is not nearby***

* * *

Nameless Naridam

Oh Bloodbath sounds really fun! Can I come over and bring some of my "friends" along? I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun to pull out their muscles and organs and feed them to...er, the Baltic's maybe?

**Sure~**

Hm...Oh! And I have a question. So you like to play with Lithuania, and you like to poke Latvia in that other game, but what do you do to Estonia? :O

**He does all of his chores, so he doesn't need to be punished~**

Finally, here is my gift to you *Hands over sunflowers and Vodka* I guess that means we're friends now!

до свидания

**Thank you!**

**Friend~**

* * *

Rosiebud:

I didn't say that you aren't nice! I said you are creepy and scary. The fact that you are both makes you all the more awesome!

Oh. In that case, I will become one! *hugs*

I found marshmellow flavored vodka. :O I took it from my stepdad. Here ya go!

**Yaaaaay~**

**So many people are one with me~**

**Marshmallow vodka... I will put it in my cupboard for later...**

**Tell your stepdad he has very...interesting taste, da?**

* * *

maplepancakes99:

Thanks for the sunflower and I 'm so sorry I got you depressed I didn't mean to.

*gives you more vodka* peace offering?

how long have the baltics been living with you?

Do you like ice cream?

and will you help me destroy the evil that is mcdonalds?

**That is ok~ *takes vodka***

**Just don't do it again, da?**

**They have been living with me since about 1939. It is fun to have friends living with you~**

**I like icecream, but not America's icecream with nasty chemicals~**

**Destroy McDonalds? Trust me, I have tryed. It is impossible, da?**

* * *

shyasian:

Hi Russia! You are really cute and fun and nice . My name is Mai by the way.

What's it like having siblings? I'm an only child so I get lonely often.

A couple friends call me innocent sometimes but at the same time cruel, is that bad or good?

Anyways, heres vodka and sunflower since somebody gave some to me. I can't really keep the sunflower since I am very bad at taking care of flowers.

Bye!

**Thank you~**

**Isn't Taiwan's name Mai?**

**I will have to ask China...**

***goes off for a while and returns in a panda costume***

**Da! I was right~ So are you Taiwan?**

**Having sibling is nice. But Ukraine always runs away, and Belarus is...creepy... I wish we could be family like we used to *wilts a little***

**But I have the little Baltics now, da?**

**I don't know if it is good, people call me that too... But you can't help how you are~**

**Well now the sunflowers are safe at my house, da?**

* * *

ArtisticIce:

Oh, Okay. Thank you for teaching me those phrases. Ah, well...hmm...

Do you love Tetris? I haven't really played it before, but I heard it was fun. What do you think of it?

**Da! Tetris is very fun to play~ But America stole it from me...**

* * *

nightshadow23:

Hm... *pouts* why wont you marry me? I can keep belarus away! *creepy smile* Belarus cant be half as bad as some fangirls...*shudder* they scare even me...

My friend swallowd a ball of Russian today! (I STILL can't say that with a straight face!) She say that when we move in together we are gonna get a Blue Russian- er, i mean a Russian Blue. Blue Russian sounds like a brand of vodka.

People always think im Chinese... I also look alot like China...except with boobs... i could be his twin sister!

hmmm...what do you think of the Italy brothers?

What would you do if Ukraine went yandere?

What if Belarus went tsundere?

thats it for now!

Do svidyana! (Sp?)

**You are kind of creepy.. Please do not look at me while I sleep...**

**A Ball of Russian? Da, that sounds a little strange~ ^J^**

**I do have blue vodka~**

**South Italy is loud and kind of annoying *smiles creepily* North Italy will be easy to take over, da?**

**If Ukraine went yandere, I would run for my life~**

**I can not imagine that.**

**до свидания to you too~**

* * *

Aloha-Kimchi:

It seems that you only hurt Latvia and Lithuania during these blogs.

Why don't you hurt Estonia?

Just wondering.

(Why does everything I say seem to cause harm to Lithuania? He's nice, you shouldn't hurt him.)

до свидания,

Aloha

**As I said, he is a good little friend and does his chores, da?**

* * *

ShushI'mAReaderInBed:

Russia STOP GOING AFTER CANADA OF I WILL TELL BELARUS WHERE YOU ARE! I'm not afraid! Also, why the sunflowers?

**Please don't. Sunflowers are so big and bright and happy~ They make me feel warm inside.**

ShushI'mAReaderInBed:

Don't hurt Lithuania or the same rules apply.. I am very protective of the Hetalia cast... excluding you. Also... Why would you want birthday cake flavoured vodka?

**Why not me? I am a nice country, da?**

**...I am wondering that myself**.

ShushI'mAReaderInBed:

Hmmm... What have I said about Canada and Lithuania!? Now adding Poland, Latvia and Greece to that list ALONG WITH ANY FANGIRLS!

**Haha~ Little humans are so funny~ Thinking they can stop Mother Russia.**

ShushI'mAReaderInBed:

How do you think Belarus knew where you were? and you STILL HURT LITHUANIA! Right that is IT!

**She always knows where I am...**

ShushI'mAReaderInBed:

grrrr...I...ARGH!

**^J^**

* * *

Froggiecool:

They are yours to do with as you wish. Just let me know if it works. ;)

Well, it could do one of a few things... Make him loose his voice, make him explode in sparkles, make him lose all his hair or put patterns on his skin for you to trace over. Which burn.

**I am hoping it does all of them~**

I was only asking because I've been reading into Russian history, and I found out that, prior to the Tartars, you were ruled by Swedish vikings.

**Da...**

The two of you spend lots of time fighting. You're on a team with Poland, Belarus and China. China likes you, though. You only ever stop fighting if Belarus comes after you - and you end up in a temple at one point. She's disappointed to find a lack of a priest.

Definatly for you. Have fun!

**China~**

**But why does Poland have to be on my team? *pouts***

* * *

Alfred and Mattie:

Pashuh.

Alaska was NOOOOT produced by us having sex... O/O

Heh...

Psssh, and if SOOO, I was top. .

Buh bye commie bastard

**Nyet, I never said he was~**

**Haha silly American~**

**I am not communist...**

* * *

Guest:

Russia, I have noticed that you like to pick on Latvia. Why not sacrifice him for your greater good by dressing him up as yourself and letting Belarus kidnap him? That'll get her off of your case, as least until she figures it out, but, hey, any time you get without being harrassed by Belarus is a good thing, yes?

East Timor/Timor Leste

**Da... It is a good thing~**

**I will find Latvia after this. Good idea, da? *Hugs East Timor***

**Become one?**

* * *

Little Diane:

Hello, Russia! This is Diane (okay, for safety's sake, I'm not putting my real name on the internet. There are crazy people out there man that are truly mean!). I would gladly be your friend! I am worried for your sunflower garden. You aren't giving away so many that they are all getting lonely, right? *sends 100 sunflower seeds over*

**Nyet, they are still large and happy, but now they will have more friends~**

I would send some vodka as well, but I am three years underage, so yeah...

By the way, I am either 1/8th or 1/16th russian on my dad's side! I have such a multicultural family. I think there might be some german or spanish in there somewhere... I really don't know. What are your thoughts on the Philippines?

The people, not the country person (thing?).

**have never visited, I don't really know... But I would like to~ It must be so sunny and warm, da?**

ARGH! The situation in America is so bad right now! He owes over 16 trillion dollars in debt and President Obama's "Obamacare" and stimulus plan isn't helping at all! I want to leave the country, but the only language I fully know is English (even though I am half Filipino).

By the way,(don't let Belarus see this) if you want to permanently get rid of Belarus, have you tried burying her six feet under in a steel

coffin while she's asleep? Or do you care about her enough as a sister that you wouldn't go that far?

**Even though she is scary and obsessive, she is still my sister. I love her, but only like family~**

Man, I had so much to talk about. Anyway, I hope to be your friend, or 'becone one with you'.

See you later!

**Bye~**

* * *

DragonTamer1436:

Privet Russia! *gives sunflowers* I hope you are doing well. If my country (AKA: the accident that is America) was destroyed, could I retreat to your country?

**I am doing ok~**

**Of course you can~ But you must become a citizen, da?**

Soarra:

Hiya Russia! Toni from the Ask A Bad Touched fic told me about your blog. I'm so happy cause now I can finally ask to become one. So can I?

**Da, you can~**

My name is Soarra. ^J^ I have some questions. Where did you get Mr. Pipe?

**From Germany's house. It was so cool to see water flowing out of it~ So I ripped it out of the ground and took it home with me. But the water stopped flowing. :(**

The last time I used mine the red stuff made it rust and now it doesn't make those pretty blue marks easily.

**...Mr. Pipe doesn't rust much, maybe wash it?**

Do you call yourself Mother Russia so that you seem comforting? So that it draws people in to become one?

**Nyet...I just want everyone to be friends with me~**

I think its a great idea. I also have some vodka! *gives*

Soarra

**Well спасибо~**

**I am always happy for more vodka~**

* * *

WarnerGirls2000:

H-hi! Um I saw your blog so I decided to drop in and say hello. Oh and hi Lithuania! I don't want to become one with you, although I wouldn't mind being your friend. (smiles slightly)

Oh and Lithuania's too if you don't mind.

I'm actually quite intrigued by your history and mythology myself. Especially during the time of czars and such. I hope that type of talk doesn't upset you, since I realize everyones past can hurt if they are reminded. If so I apologize. That wasn't my intent. Though I am worried about Lithuania after the last chapter. (Bites lip) Please don't be too rough on him. Here have a sunflower! (gives him a sunflower)

We don't see many here in Cali but I did find one for you. So, do you have any more hobbies besides well the obvious I suppose? I love to write and read myself.

**But becoming one is the same as friends, da?**

**...Please don't talk about that... I am sad now...**

***Hugs sunflower tightly***

**I like...making friends...**

* * *

**до свидания...**


End file.
